Biblical Teaching for Christian Homes.

CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE

Marriage is an institution set by God and God himself performed the first marriage. The Bible says “Marriage is honorable”

According to the Bible human history began with marriage and also ends with the marriage of the Lamb.

In a believer’s life, after the most important decision of accepting Jesus as Savior, the next important decision is whom to marry. This decision effects out mental, physical and spiritual aspects of our life and hence no believer should consider marriage as an unimportant issue.

WHAT IS MARRIAGE?

“Marriage is the sacred and life long union of a man and a woman to give themselves to each other in love and trust. It signifies the mystery of the union between Christ and the church. Marriage is given that husband and wife may enrich and encourage each other in every part of their life together.  Marriage is given that with delight and tenderness they may know each other in love, and through their physical union may strengthen the union of their lives. Marriage is given that children may be born and brought up in security and love, that home and family life may be strengthened, and that society may stand upon firm foundations. Marriage is way of life which all people should honor”

WHY CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE?

God ordained marriage for companionship.

                “It is not good that man should be alone”. Gen 2:18

God ordained marriage for procreation of race.

                “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth”. Gen 1:28

God ordained marriage for preservation of purity in family and society

                “Each man should have his own wife and each women her own husband” I Cor 7:2

PRINCIPLE OF CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE

The bible clearly warns us “do not be yoked together with unbelievers” I Cor 6:14. The yoke is  very clear symbol of marriage. The picture is of two oxen pulling a plough together-symbolizing a husband and wife united and working together for the Lord. Even in the Old Testament God has warned the Israelites many a times that they should not marry non Israelites as they bring idol worship and ungodly practices along with them.  Hence no believer should ever consider marrying an unbeliever or a nominal Christian. The bible teaches that God has a plan for the lives of each of His children Eph 2.10. Every believer must know Gods plan for his life.

WHEN IS A PERSON ELIGIBLE TO MARRY?

A Person must be an adult to get married. In the bible we do not find any child marriages. Marriages require a person to be moral. Before getting married one must be old enough to know what is right and what is wrong. He or she must be willing to live a life that follows what is right. If a person wants to continue to do things that are wrong, that person is not ready to get married. A person must be emotionally mature to consider one person as partner. A Christian should be growing spiritually all the days of his or her life. A person in not spiritually mature enough to marry until he or she realizes that God is more important than any person on earth. Only when God is loved more than anything or anyone else is a person ready to know how to begin properly loving any person. Spiritual maturity is necessary to deal with various situations, problems and temptations. Spiritual maturity is also needed to be a suitable partner to one's spouse ad to carry on the service of the Lord as a family. A person can marry only after completing education to a certain extent and must be financial independent to support the family. Financial independence is must for a man  as he provider of the family, a women must equip herself to be a homemaker. On the whole, before getting married, a person must be prepared physically, morally, spiritually, economically and emotionally.

FOUNDATION FOR A CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE

Reading God's Word, obeying  God's Word, depending on God for different issues of life and taking decisions according to Gods will are some of the qualities of a growing Christian. A person without these qualities finds it difficult to consider a Christian marriage.

A believer can start praying about marriage from the final year of their education. Prayer prepares us for doing God's will. The more we pray the more we trust God. When the time comes for making a decision there will be less confusion if we pray more. It is always good to educate our parents about Christian marriage, so that they can accept our decision to obey the Lord. Parents must be encouraged to pray about the matter. Inform parents about your convictions lovingly and convincingly. Our behavior with the opposite sex before marriage and the way we discipline ourselves in this area builds proper values and attitudes for the future. Any bad habit or thought can be dealt with help of God and there is no area of life God cannot help us. Don’t get influenced by the media. Media gives wrong values and ideas. Beware of premarital sex, homosexuality and other sort of perversions.

HOW TO FIND GODS WILL IN CHOOSING YOUR LIFE PARTNER

(a) our loving God is ready to guide us (Ps. 32:8, Ps. 78; 72, Is. 30:21, Is. 48:17) if only we are willing to wait in His presence to know it. But to be in a position to receive His will your heart should be in tune with Gods heart.

(b) You must ask God to reveal His will with faith that he will answer you, with trust that He would give you the best, with patience to wait for it and with obedience to accept Gods choice. God does not reveal His will if it is only for curiosity’s sake and if you are not obedient to His will, which He has already reveled to you.

(c) Spend much time in earnest and regular prayer and have a deep desire to do His will.

(d) Waiting on God may take time. But waiting is not wasting. Empty yourself of all preconceived desires and preferences.

(e) God reveals His will in different ways

1. Through the Holy Spirit – you will have an inner witness and a growing peace.

2. Through God’s word – This need not be your quiet time alone. You need not depend on some stray verses here and there, but you need to have ample evidence to tell that the Lord is leading you in a particular direction over a period of time. God’s will cannot be found by casual readers of his word or those who cannot spare time for prayer and cannot wait on Him. A combination of study of God’s word, a heart which is submitted to the Lord and the Spirit who illuminates the word of God, leads us into true application of its principles to own situations.

3. Through circumstances – God sometimes orders your circumstances to prove or to disprove God’s will for you.

4. Through the approval of other believers - when other believers like elders or friends pray for you, God gives them the same mind as He gives you about a proposal.

FEW WORDS OF CAUTION

Don’t see every believer as a possible choice. A proposal can be brought by parents or elders. Proposing directly to the other person must be avoided as far as possible. Don’t be lead by outward appearances. They can be very deceptive. Simplicity is not spirituality. Seek the help of Godly elders, preferably a couple who can counsel you and whom you can trust. It would be ideal if everything is done with the full knowledge of your parents. If there are more than one proposal consider one at a time. Avoid writing to, visiting the person you are considering. Any communication should take place through parents or elders. Better to avoid marrying close relatives. Even medical science supports this. There should be agreements on doctrines, denominational affiliations and on subjects like church fellowship and baptism. Do not marry a total stranger. Care must be taken to see whether compatibility in calling is there. If your spouse lacks your vision then he/she can be a drag on you and may later draw you completely away from the place of God’s call.

UNCHRISTIAN TRENDS

People of the world choose their life partners on considerations like family back ground, beauty, complexion, career prospects, caste, educational qualifications, financial status etc. These cannot be guiding principles for a child of God.  Remember that God knows your inner thoughts too. Check your motives. Don’t make a choice based on the above considerations. Be willing to obey God as to whomever He guides.

Dowry is a curse on our nation. Some think that even a marriage can be converted into a financial transaction. When the government and social organizations are against the practice of dowry how much more a Christian should stand against this practice. A believer cannot demand dowry, request for it, hint at it, and he cannot even desire it in any form. No Christian should ever think of becoming rich by the gifts or treasures which anybody in this world gives except God.

AFTER FINDING GOD’S WILL

When the person has found God’s will regarding the proposal, it must be informed to the mediators. After getting the consent from both, the mediator must inform the decision to the other. Parents must be informed about the decision. After parents agree, a formal engagement can be arranged. It is good to wait till the parents agree. If parents don’t agree for the marriage, wait for sufficient time for them to get convinced or else go ahead if you are sure of God’s will and God’s time. Be careful not to drift from God as the center of your life to the partner as the center of your life.

PERFORMANCE OF MARRIAGE

Marriage is a once in lifetime experience. Be committed to glorify His name in your marriage. Let the marriage be solemnized by a Godly man. Marriage procedure should not have unchristian customs, rituals or traditions. Be bold enough to oppose ungodly practices in your marriage with humility and love. Preferably share marriage expenses. Prepare suitable budget and avoid all extravagant spending. Be prepared financially for the expenses and preferably don’t start your family with debts.

AFTER MARRIAGE

Soon after the wedding the couple should go to some quite place of their choice to be by themselves and with the Lord. It is advisable for the couple to stay separately from both the parents to avoid problems and tensions. Build your family on the principle of leaving, cleaving and becoming one flesh.

Role of Husband: The husband must be a lover who is self giving and self sacrificing, Head of the family, priest, comforter, model, one who appreciates and a decision maker.

Role of wife: the wife must be submissive, lover, a companion, supporter, wise counselor, good home maker, partner in prayer.

Basic need of wife  is LOVE and Basic need of a husband is RESPECT. If these needs are not met, family life cannot be enjoyed.

Ephesians 5.33 -  However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

Don’t depend on your own strength to be a good husband or good wife. Take God’s help to do your role in the family. It is good if both of them together read good books on building family to understand biblical principles for Christian families.

CONCLUSION: God has given the wonderful gift of life to each of us and he also has a plan for our life. It is our choice whether to obey Him in choosing the partner in marriage or to choose our own way. If we honor Him. Him. He will certainly honor us. Choose to obey God’s will and then you can certainly have Him as the head of the family and as master of your life for the rest of the life on this earth.

QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION:

1. Are you finding God’s will in the various issues of life?

2. What are the difficulties in finding God’s will?

3. Do you think it is a good for a believer to take a stand against dowry?

                                                                                                                              Dr. B. Kezia Rani, Hyderabad

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